Writing part 2

I gasped in pain as I felt it spread from my stomach throughout my body. I couldn't think of anything else, not even the red haze that had flooded my vision. It was as though all my limbs had fallen asleep and were experiencing simultaneous "pins and needles" only worse.

Then just as suddenly as it started, the pain was gone without even a lingering memory of it. I tested out my fingers slowly then finding them ok I stretched out and hopped off the counter. The world was still red and no amount of rubbing or blinking was changing that.

I looked around and then focused on Darius. He had a massive grin on his face so naturally I pulled back and punched him straight in the jaw. His head whipped around them he snapped back to face me. Instead of being angry, he laughed.

"What the hell, D!" I glared at him.

"Feeling better?"

"Wha-um well actually," I paused and stretched again. I looked myself up and down critically. I jumped around and danced a little while Darius looked on amused. "Ok, yes, I feel better. In fact I feel better than I've ever felt in my life. Now what did you give me?"

"Just a little witches brew. You'll need more but that was the worst of it. It shouldn't hurt more but it'll taste worse and worse. You'll die without it though."

I stopped dancing around and glared at him some more. "Well thanks for warning me before I drank it," I spat at him sarcastically, "and the red vision?"

"That'll go away with more brew. You shouldn't complain. You were dying already anyway or I wouldn't have done this to you."

"Wait, what?"

"You should have gone to the dr. You have extremely low blood pressure. Low bone density. No appetite. You're never comfortable, always hurting yourself, getting bruises. Your clothes are practically falling off of your skinny body. Headaches, abdominal cramps, did you really think you were ok? Honey, it's called cancer. Fast spreading and untreated for years. We're fixing you now. Don't worry about it."

I sat down hard in a chair and let that sink in. No, it can't be cancer.only old people and smokers and people who used tanning beds got cancer. Not trying to graduate from community college people. People like me didn't get cancer. My red vision got blurry as the tears started, my mind still reeling from the blow.

"Wait, how do you know I have cancer, Darius? I haven't been to see a doctor since high school and if I have it then it's never been diagnosed."

Darius made a pained face before he turned away from me and busied himself with getting a glass of water. He cleared his throat and slowly filled the glass. "Do you remember back when we first met?" he asked as he turned back to face me.

"Sure, it was my senior year of high school. My cousin Sherry convinced me to go to prom and promised me she had a cute date for me. I was going to back out at the last minute because I didn't have a dress and I'd gotten some particularly ugly bruises on my arms. Then you showed up on my doorstep with a beautiful purple dress with long mesh sleeves."

"Sherry warned me you might not have anything to wear. I just got something I liked."

"It was perfect."

"That dress fit you prefect and it was a size 4. I know you aren't one of those eating disorder girls, but that dress would be way too big for you now. You might not have noticed but the double digits aren't the place to reside."

"I know that but you try explaining that to my stomach. And speaking of explaining, how do you know I have cancer?"

"I knew things were wrong, I just didn't know how bad until a little over 2 years ago. You accidentally cut your hand and couldn't get it to stop bleeding. I said I could help and took off your bandage, put on some cream, and it stopped. Well my cousin helped me out and tested your blood. You came out positive for cancer, and positive for traits."

"Traits?"

"Yes, traits are the only reason it's ok for me to give you the brew. If you weren't positive it would just kill you."

-I'll write more at a later date..

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.8

Aspie?

Your Aspie score: 156 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score 64 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

[img]http://www.rdos.net/eng/ poly12c.php? p1=82&p2=92&p3=83&p4=82&p5=83&p6= img]

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5.2

Comment Here

In the nicest way, how hard is it to comment right here on my blog? You read my blog here. Go ahead and comment here. I don't want your texts. I don't want your phone calls. I don't care if you comment via twitter or facebook but quite frankly, I'd prefer here.

Thanks...

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

I am me

Every person is the same. Essentially. We (for the most part) all have 2 eyes, a nose, a mouth, 2 ears, a chest, 2 arms, 2 legs, skin, hair, etc. It's the ways we are different that people dwell on. Likes or dislikes, beliefs and morals, thee languages we speak. Our skin's color or hair color. Personalities and the differences there.

The thing I'm wondering about today is whether I'd still be me if I hadn't lived my whole life. As in what would be different about my personality, my likes and dislikes, my beliefs and morals, if certain things had never happened. Would I still be me? It's a weird question. If you look at religion they might say that everything you do is in god's plan and if that's the case then why would horribly bad things be in his plan? Then there are the questions of self. If god planned everything then am I really making choices? If I'm not making choices then why am I doing this? Why did this happen this way?

I know some of thee people I know don't like religion and believe different things. I don't even know if I like religion. Thing is tho, if a belief in something helps someone and they want to love people and try to reach out and do good and believe there is something bigger and better waiting for them at the end of their life then who am I to tell them they shouldn't? Whether it's true or not, it isn't hurting me any. And if it turns out there is no heaven at the end of their life, at least they lived a good life and were happy.

As I've said many times, i don't really know what I believe. I'm still working on that part. I thought once that religion would help me with everything, that it was the solution. Everything would get better if I went to church and read the bible and accepted jesus into my heart and all that. So I did all that and nothing changed much. But I've changed more since then too.

But I think as we grow as people we can look at ourselves like onions. No, not stinky and making others cry. Layered. Each time we grower our change we still retain that old self. Or I guess you could look at it like a tree. Trees grow up and out and they have their layers of growth that you get to see when you cut them down. They grow upon the old layer and that's what we do too, in a not so obvious non-visual way. Our growth is emotional, mental, spiritual. Our beliefs and morals develop and change. Our personalities as well. All to form the person we ultimately become. And it's all built up upon who we started out being and how we developed.

So my point is that I wonder who i would be, what layers would be different, if I went back 10 years and just changed 1 thing. I know this is like the butterfly effect in a way, that movie with ashton kucher. He goes back into his past and changes things and he's trying to do good for someone but you can't change the past without altering the path to the present. But my point isn't that I want to change thee past so much as it is... would I still be me if it hadn't been that way...

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

9 months ago

9 months ago I was still pregnant. Laying in a hospital bed not really in pain anymore thanks to my epidural. I wondered when my baby was coming. I wondered if it was a boy or a girl. I had been waiting to meet my little one who I'd been talking to and singing to since april. I didn't know how much I'd love that little boy. I mean, I already loved him, but I just didn't expect to love him so much more. I was exhausted but I didn't sleep. I cuddled my little baby.

Now he's 9 months old, at 10:09p tonight. He's got 4, almost 5 teeth coming in. He's so big.. He's starting to understand more words and things around him are more exciting every day. I keep waiting (synonymous to dreading) the day he actually crawls. He scoots and rolls and gets what he wants anyway, which instantly goes in the mouth.

I love being alexander's mommy.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.4