The thing I'm wondering about today is whether I'd still be me if I hadn't lived my whole life. As in what would be different about my personality, my likes and dislikes, my beliefs and morals, if certain things had never happened. Would I still be me? It's a weird question. If you look at religion they might say that everything you do is in god's plan and if that's the case then why would horribly bad things be in his plan? Then there are the questions of self. If god planned everything then am I really making choices? If I'm not making choices then why am I doing this? Why did this happen this way?
I know some of thee people I know don't like religion and believe different things. I don't even know if I like religion. Thing is tho, if a belief in something helps someone and they want to love people and try to reach out and do good and believe there is something bigger and better waiting for them at the end of their life then who am I to tell them they shouldn't? Whether it's true or not, it isn't hurting me any. And if it turns out there is no heaven at the end of their life, at least they lived a good life and were happy.
As I've said many times, i don't really know what I believe. I'm still working on that part. I thought once that religion would help me with everything, that it was the solution. Everything would get better if I went to church and read the bible and accepted jesus into my heart and all that. So I did all that and nothing changed much. But I've changed more since then too.
But I think as we grow as people we can look at ourselves like onions. No, not stinky and making others cry. Layered. Each time we grower our change we still retain that old self. Or I guess you could look at it like a tree. Trees grow up and out and they have their layers of growth that you get to see when you cut them down. They grow upon the old layer and that's what we do too, in a not so obvious non-visual way. Our growth is emotional, mental, spiritual. Our beliefs and morals develop and change. Our personalities as well. All to form the person we ultimately become. And it's all built up upon who we started out being and how we developed.
So my point is that I wonder who i would be, what layers would be different, if I went back 10 years and just changed 1 thing. I know this is like the butterfly effect in a way, that movie with ashton kucher. He goes back into his past and changes things and he's trying to do good for someone but you can't change the past without altering the path to the present. But my point isn't that I want to change thee past so much as it is... would I still be me if it hadn't been that way...
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