My Weight Loss Tracker

05 December 2011

EDNOS - We confuse people.

I read this (the title) on the forums at and it rings true in my life so much. People don't understand EDNOS.. And this is my personal assessment of my issues

You know you have EDNOS when...
-You aren't thin enough to be anorexic and don't purge enough to be bulimic.
-You give up on your ED for a few days only to renew your strength 3x what it was after you gain/lose x lbs. Then give up again 2 weeks later.
-You don't look sick. You don't look like you have an eating disorder. So you can hide it easier behind a "diet"
-You binge and purge. You binge and don't purge. You restrict and purge. You chew/spit. You fast. You don't lose weight.
-You look at pasta with pesto and salad with full fat ranch dressing and gag at all the fat and oil, then binge on large mcd's fries later.
-You scarf down 2 plates of thanksgiving dinner, 4 half slices of pie, and bite of cake and a cookie promising to restrict after. 3 days later eat birthday cake promising to restrict more. 3 days later eat half a pie.
-Lose 5 lbs. Eating "normal"... Restrict again. Gain back 5 lbs.
-Make rules and plans and charts and goals... Fail.
-When there is a constant battle in your head of thinking you are fine because you don't look sick but knowing you are
-Sometimes giving up for a little on your ED but then missing it and coming back
-Crying because you aren't normal weight not even fucking overweight but obese
-Eating less than 1000 calories every day for a week, stepping on the scale, seeing you've gained 2lbs, binging on fries at mcd's, stepping on the scale the next morning, you've lost 5lbs since the morning before... wtf...
-Cringing when you realize that the "light" yogurt your friend got you has 140 calories more than the "lowcarb" yogurt you usually eat, but forcing yourself to eat it anyway because your friend got it just for you.

A month in the life of EDNOS
A "fictional" but only slightly so depiction of what life might be like when you have EDNOS (restrict means less than 1000 calories for me)

Day 1 - Binge then promise to restrict and check weight daily.
Day 2 - Eat normal breakfast, restrict rest of day
Day 3 - Restrict
Day 4 - Restrict all day, binge at dinner, feel sick, purge.
Day 5 - Restrict
Day 6 - Restrict, chew/spit to curb desire to binge.
Day 7 - Weigh in, gained 2 lbs, binge to feel better, actually feel worse
Days 8-10 - Give up. Eat "normal"
Day 11 - Weigh in, lost 3 lbs, renewed force restriction.
Day 12 - Restrict
Day 13 - Restrict. Dinner binge, feel sick, purge
Day 14 - Binge
Days 15-18 - Frustration at binge, restrict, c/s, doing "good"
Day 19 - Binge, feel sick, purge, binge again, no purge
Days 20-24 - Weigh in, gained 3 lbs back, give up, eat "normal"
Days 25-29 - Weigh in, lost 2lbs, renewed force restriction
Day 30 - Binge...

I'm just a super messed up person...

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